The Ultimate Guide to Breaking Wedding Traditions
Photo by Of Colour And Hue
Weddings are about love, not outdated rules or traditions that don’t feel like you. But sometimes the pressure to do things "the right way" can feel overwhelming, especially when family gets involved.
Here’s your permission slip to shake things up and break those traditions, keeping the vibe joyful and making sure that you two are at the centre of your own day. You can use this guide in whatever way you see fit. There are no rules, and knowing which suppliers are right for you will be clear when you feel you’ve found people who get your vision, have your back and are cheerleaders for your big plans all the way. I’m always here to chat, so send me your worries, thoughts and issues and let’s smash down some traditions together!
Let’s get started.
Reimagine the ceremony
You don’t have to walk down an aisle, toss a bouquet or have a cookie-cutter structure. Your ceremony can beautifully reflect your story, with sentimental details, lots of laughs and personal touches. Here are some ideas:
Walk in together, dance in, roll in with your wheelchair or scrap the aisle entirely.
Write your own vows and get a celebrant to craft a ceremony that’s undoubtedly about you and your lives together. Private jokes, familiar anecdotes and personal stories make the ceremony lively, entertaining and really meaningful.
Create your own ceremonial act by handing out shots of your favourite drinks, leaving personalised messages for each guest on their seats or having a live band perform your favourite tune; all of these bring meaning and emotion to the ceremony.
Ditch gendered wedding parties
Your wedding party can be a mixed crew of your best people, regardless of gender or the role they might play. No need to call them ‘stags’, ‘hens’ or hybrids of them. You could call them your hype squad, ride-or-dies or just "the legends". Have a sending-off party if you want one, but don’t feel you have to segregate into groups or follow any traditions unless they’re things that make you happy. Here are some gender-neutral send-off-party ideas that are accessible to all of the people you want by your side:
Escape rooms - one of my favourite activities and one that includes everyone. If you have guests who use mobility aids, just check there’s space to get around in the room you fancy escaping from!
Cocktail-making or cooking classes - whether it’s alcoholic or virgin cocktails or rustling up a curry, having a chef-led session not only teaches you a new skill but is engaging, fun and leaves room for some silliness.
Murder Mystery dinner - this one is great if you’re keen on dressing up and getting into character! You can eat and drink alongside your crime busting, so it’s a double win.
Pamper retreat - you may book a spa day, or just chill with your fave movies and a few face masks. Either way, enjoy being together and chilling out. Lush!
Wear what you want!
Colour, sequins, leather jackets, embroidered jumpsuits - wear whatever makes you feel incredible. Your outfit can be a celebration of your personality, not a nod to outdated traditions. Sometimes it’s hard to navigate this one with family because they want to be heavily involved in trying on and purchasing these outfits. Do what feels right for you and your body, the way you want to feel and how you’d like to move around on the day. Some folk feel most at home in their favourite t-shirt, others relish the opportunity to get spruced up. What matters most is you feel like you.
Curate your own rituals
Don’t love the idea of cake cutting or first dances? Focus on creating moments that actually mean something to you, making the day joyful and everyone having fun. You could swap the usual traditions for:
Getting tattoos
Creating shared vows with your friends
A group sing-a-long
Bring-your-own-dish for a sharing style wedding breakfast
A morning wedding that ends by midday and allows you to chill just as newlyweds for the rest of the day
Send invitations that sound like you
You’re definitely allowed to toss out the formal script, the ones that start with, “Together with our parents, we invite you…”. You can write invites that reflect your personality! You can steal any of these:
"Come party with us!"
"We’re throwing a gig and you're on the guest list."
"Join us for colourful chaos and good vibes."
“We can’t wait to celebrate with you!”
I can always help formulate your wording for stationery if you’re stuck, so just shout and we can scribe something epic together. It’s part of the stationery package, so I am always on hand to recommend ways of wording things and navigating any politics or confusions with carefully worded stationery and websites.
Find a venue that fits
If it’s not for you, you can forget chapels or stuffy banquet halls. The space should feel like home. If you want something grand and formal and that makes you feel excited then that’s awesome! Just remember the venue offers the backdrop to all parts of the celebrations so choose one you can move around easily, feel comfortable in and works for your plans and timings. You can get married:
In a music venue
In a tattoo studio
In a garden
On a rooftop
At your favourite dive bar;
and any other place that reflects the celebrations you want to have.
Celebrate the people who show up for you
Whether it’s chosen family, polyam relationships or another element of your life that you want to celebrate, honour what your community looks like, without heteronormative or trad expectations. Your life together is just that; your life. No one else knows what it feels like to walk that path other than you, so side-step any expectations and traditions that make you feel trapped and free yourself up to celebrate the way you want.
This is a tricky one, but I’m an advocate for inviting just those people who care about you and will have your back throughout your marriage. Often I see nearlyweds navigating the politics of not wanting to invite guests who might make other guests feel judged or unsafe, or simply people they don’t know very well, because family members put pressure on them. I’m going to say this: it doesn’t matter who is paying for what, you don’t owe your space, time and energy to people who actively don’t serve you and it’s okay to set boundaries. This isn’t just a jaunt down the pub and a free-for-all; this is a meaningful day that deserves careful consideration.
Select your own playlist
No organs blasting archaic tunes, unless you love it. Choose entrance songs, first dance tracks and dance floor fillers that represent your style, be that punk, rock, indie, metal, techno or whatever gets your heart racing. You also don’t have to have a dance floor at all if that’s not reflective of who you are. Check out this blog post, originally written during a stringent lockdown, which has ideas of entertainment when dance floors are off the cards. Playlists can blare out bangers, or can absolutely be a quiet, finessed backdrop to guests playing games, puzzles and mingling. Do what works for you!
Scrap what doesn’t serve you
Uncomfortable traditions? Bye. You don’t need speeches if public speaking is not your thing and no one's forcing a bouquet toss. Always prioritise joy over obligation!
At the end of the day, your wedding should be a reflection of your love, not a checklist of expectations. Whether it’s bold colours, tattoos, music or ditching the rules entirely, you’re allowed to make it unapologetically yours.
Want some help getting started with style, wording, planning and that wonderful, personal stationery? HMU and I’d be happy to help!